New Orleans Police Say Rats Are Eating Drug Evidence

The year is 1284. The town: Hamelin. Our hero? The Pied Piper, summoned (in that fabulous multicolored tunic, no less) by a weary mayor to play his dulcet tones and lure away the town's rats, who were eating weed seized by law enforcement.

Oh. Erm, no. The rats of the 13th century were just being annoying. It's the rats of today who are allegedly feasting on cannabis taken by police down in the land of dreams. Ah, New Orleans. 

"The rats are eating our marijuana," New Orleans Police Department (NOPD) Supervisor Anne Kirkpatrick told a City Council committee on Monday. "They're all high."

A few thoughts.

Respectfully, Kirkpatrick's comments, if anything, show that some police officers may know little about the weed they seize in conjunction with their criminal investigations. That's because—unless the rodents are unwrapping and munching on edibles—they are almost certainly not, in fact, high on drugs. 

"If the rats are eating raw cannabis, I would be very surprised if they are actually getting high," Matt Hill, a professor at the University of Calgary, told Axios. Heat is required to activate THC, the psychoactive compound in marijuana, said Hill, who studies rats and weed (a surprisingly robust field!). Should the rats have actually gotten high, the rodents sharing real estate with the NOPD would likely be noticeably more docile, sluggish, and less aggressive. If you've met a rat before, then you know that's better than the alternative. (Consider the COVID-19 pandemic–era rats, who reportedly became more feral without access to the abundance of trash from restaurants during lockdowns. Unsubscribe.)

Kirkpatrick's comments came as she lobbied the city to approve a move that would set the NOPD free from its aging building. A proposed 10-year lease, at a downtown high-rise, would cost taxpayers about $7.6 million in base rent. The agency's current building is reportedly in disrepair and teeming with rodents and roaches, so fair enough. But perhaps the police could prepare for that cash withdrawal by spending fewer resources seizing cannabis and more on solving serious crimes. In 2018, for example, police solved less than half of "crimes against persons"—offenses where there was a victim—a statistic that has remained dire as the years have gone on. 

There's also always Plan B: the Pied Piper. So if you see a flamboyant man dancing down Bourbon Street, playing the flute and followed by a line of rats, then there are two possibilities: Kirkpatrick did not succeed, unfortunately, in getting the new lease. Or it's Mardi Gras. Enjoy!